Welcome Back!

Well, it has been 5 months since my last post. So much has happened since then. My oldest son, Corey, is officially an adult and has graduated high school...all in the same weekend. Also that weekend his brother turned 14. It was a weekend full of extended family, joy, and yes, tears. Heaven blessed us with beautiful weather, probably so my mom, my grandparents, and Chip's father could have a better view from their vantage point. They may have left us in the physical world but their Spirits were fully present - of that I have no doubt.

In July, we launched Deck Headz Skateboards. A dream my family and I have been nurturing for the last 3 years. It is a good family business that we are well suited for because each of us has a talent that is different from each other, and when you put them together we form a solid skateboard business.

I enjoy drawing skateboard designs but my true passion lies in writing, learning, and perhaps teaching. I have not written in quite a while. It has taken a toll on my brain...all these words and thoughts locked up in my mind...begging to be let free...to dance among the consciousness of others.

I entered my first ever writing competition in May.....and lost...but it taught me a few things. I learned some basic writing and editing tools but the biggest lesson I learned was this. I AM brave enough to write my spiritual memoir, I had wondered is I could expose myself like that. For the contest I had taken a small part of the book and made it a short essay.  It was about a particularly bad point of my life, I detailed the aftermath of a sexual assault when I was teenager and about contemplating suicide. I wrote about how Spirit saved me through a particularly empathic math teacher. I touched on part of this story in a blog post once. It was read by only 3 or 4 people who already love me: family and a few friends. In other words, people who I already felt safe sharing with.

The contest was another story, I was fully aware that if - IF - I had won, the story would be published in a national magazine. I used a pen name but it's not a real secret. For my writing I go by Patience Lee. My first and middle name. I do this only because Patience Lee Lewandowski or even just Patience Lewandowski is a whole lot of letters and doesn't exactly roll off the tongue. Most people are intimidated by my last name - so much so they totally massacre a name that is said exactly as it is spelled. It is actually kind of funny, I like to listen to them squirm as they mange the pronunciation.

My point is, I entered this contest to test myself - ok, ok...I entered because $3,000 and a trip to meet editors and literary agents would have been AWESOME, but now that I have lost I'd rather look at it as a test. I shared my entry with only a couple people for feedback and proof reading. These people are friends so still it was no risk. However the day I mailed out my entry, I felt like i was going to throw up. It was like mailing away a piece of my soul for harsh examination.

I was feeling a little pouty over the last couple days because if I had won anything I would've found out last week. I had the whole "what were you thinking?" conversation in my mind. BUT I know what I am thinking. I know I have been to hell, but I came BACK. Not only did I come back, but I am better, I am stronger, I am more compassionate, and I have a deeper faith because of what I've been through. I am writing because I want to empower women who feel as powerless as I once did. I was a victim, but I chose to rise about that and free myself from that mentality. I want women to know they can too! I want them to learn that whatever they have been through gives them POWER because they are still here. I want women to know they have a Voice that DESERVES to be Heard! I want them to know they are NOT ALONE! WE are STRONG..WE are INVINCIBLE...yes..you know what is coming next "WE are Women" HA! Helen Reddy's song "I Am Woman" was a number 1 hit they year I was born, but every time I get all fired up like this is sounds loud and clear in my mind. I am tempted to stand on a chair and belt this song out and proclaim my womanhood...but instead I will leave you with the lyrics and it is playing on my playlist.

I Am Woman

By: Helen Reddy

I am woman, hear me roar

In numbers too big to ignore

And I know too much to go back an' pretend

'cause I've heard it all before

And I've been down there on the floor

No one's ever gonna keep me down again

CHORUS

Oh yes I am wise

But it's wisdom born of pain

Yes, I've paid the price

But look how much I gained

If I have to, I can do anything

I am strong (strong)

I am invincible (invincible)

I am woman

You can bend but never break me

'cause it only serves to make me

More determined to achieve my final goal

And I come back even stronger

Not a novice any longer

'cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul

CHORUS

I am woman watch me grow

See me standing toe to toe

As I spread my lovin' arms across the land

But I'm still an embryo

With a long long way to go

Until I make my brother understand

Oh yes I am wise

But it's wisdom born of pain

Yes, I've paid the price

But look how much I gained

If I have to I can face anything

I am strong (strong)

I am invincible (invincible)

I am woman

Oh, I am woman

I am invincible

I am strong

FADE

I am woman

I am invincible

I am strong

I am woman